Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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