Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
