Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
