Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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