Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
