i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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