So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
