We're facebook friends in real life
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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