2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Betty ford says i'm here all night
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
