Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
