ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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