just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
All I want is dick and wine.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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