He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
