he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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