I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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