He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
