i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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