I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
