God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
