Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
