my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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