I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
