doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
