It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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