I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
