The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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