I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
