Banned from zoo.
Again?
my shit smells like andre
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
