Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
