the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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