Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
