someone threw a dead crab at me
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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