yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
