no, he came in my armpit
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
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