I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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