You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Is Oprah even human
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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