we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
