my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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