Ambien. No doubt about it.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
