she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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