I have demons in me.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
