One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
