Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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