; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
we should paint friendship bongs
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