Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
