His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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