we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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