that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
