Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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