I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
