Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
