And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
