last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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