If i come over, it means nothing
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
