bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
