we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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