is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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