5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
