i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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