alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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