Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
