This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
