It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
