did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
