I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
