So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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