Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
