I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
what day is it and did you see me today?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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