and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
