so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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