After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
